Two Ways to Revamp Allowance and Chores to Reduce Entitlement

Most of us probably grew up associating allowance with chores and vice versa, right? Complete your weekly list of to-dos and get rewarded.  But when you step back to look at that model, does it really make sense?  Does it represent real life, and does it teach our kids the right lessons?  This is an issue I completely reconsidered because of Positive Parenting Solutions (by founder and author Amy McCready).  And I’m convinced the answer to those questions is no.

As parents, we get paid for hustling at work, but do we get paid for contributing to the home?  Wouldn’t that be nice! And when we pay our children for making their beds, vacuuming, or putting away the dishes, what are we teaching them?  To expect compensation for contributing to the family.  And to me this reeks of raising entitled kiddos.

So, do we scrap allowance? No, not necessarily.  But these two simple changes go a long way toward reforming our traditional thinking around allowance:

1. Relabel chores as “family contributions;”and
2. Separate allowance from family contributions

First, relabeling chores as “family contributions” emphasizes for our kids that whatever they do for the family is not a “chore,” but a genuinely appreciated contribution they can feel proud of.  Who likes to do “chores” anyway?  But we all feel good when we contribute.  And this helps our children to feel significant and secure about their role in the family. 

Second, separating family contributions from allowance will help our kids to mentally decouple getting compensated for doing their part for the family.  So, if you choose to give your kids an allowance, it’s a way to teach them about money management instead of teaching them that they “deserve” a payoff for everything they do (goodbye entitlement!).

As far as allowance, the proper age and amount are issues unto themselves, but the basic idea is, when you expect your child to start purchasing any “extras” by themselves (that new action figure or amazing book!), then it’s time to start an allowance.  We started our oldest on an allowance at the age of four, so now when he sees an awesome new Captain Underpants book at the bookstore, he can choose to buy it himself! It’s really empowering for him, and is definitely helping him learn the value of money.  And you can tailor the amount to be consistent with what you expect your kiddo to purchase—for a four-year-old that may mean a few dollars a week (enough to buy the occasional extra little toy), but for a fourteen-year-old, that may mean more if you expect her to buy non-essential clothes, movie tickets, etc.

One other thing we love to do with allowance is separate it into three categories—(1) spending, (2) saving, and (3) giving.  We use the Moon Jar, which is a specialized piggy bank separated into three compartments representing those categories.  For us, $3 of the $5 allowance goes into spending, and $1 goes into each saving and giving.  Saving is the money that doesn’t get touched until a big purchase or need (first car, college).  And for giving, we have our kids (well, our oldest only at this point) choose a charity, and we gather up the money at the end of the year to give to that charity.  I love that this helps instill in our children from an early age the importance of a generous, compassionate heart.

Rethinking our traditional notions around chores and allowance in this way is a small change, but one I think can have a huge impact on our kids’ understanding of what it means to be a unique and valued part of a family.