Cultivating Gratitude in Our Littles (and Ourselves)

It’s the month of thanks! And amidst (maybe because of) the challenges 2020 has brought, November has me particularly focused on gratitude—both my own and how we as parents can help our kids cultivate theirs.

According to Psychology Today (and many, many other publications), a gratitude practice is associated with some impressive benefits, not the least of which are overall improved physical health (the mind-body connection), improved mental health and mental strength (resilience), better sleep, greater levels of empathy, higher self-esteem, and more friends…yes yes, and yes please!  Anything with this much upside and no downside is something we should actively be nurturing in our kids.  Thankfully, there are a lot of ways to do this.

1.  Modeling Gratitude

I think, first and foremost, our kids mirror what they see in us—what we realize they see and even (maybe especially) what we don’t.  Though we can’t control our circumstances (see all of 2020), we can always control our responses to those circumstances.  And while we should always be authentically emotional with our kids, if we as parents can make an effort to find the proverbial silver lining in the tough spots, we’ll be creating an environment of gratitude in our homes.  And we can also model grateful presence – noticing and commenting on the beauty around us, the warm breeze, the crackling fire.  We’re raising our kids in a world of online, fast-paced, ever-changing imagery, so teaching them to slow down and find gratitude in the small, daily bits of beautiful life, will be a wonderful gift to them.

2.  Gratitude “Bites”

Over dinner, or whatever meal your family shares together, each family member can share what he or she is grateful for on that particular day, and why.  The why is important;  it will help kids avoid saying the same thing every night, and really delve into the reasons for their gratitude.  This can be especially effective on a tough day, as it encourages finding the good despite the bad.  Simple, but powerful.

3.  Gratitude Journal

I think journaling is amazing, even for kiddos who can’t write yet!  Pre-writers can scribble or color what they’re thankful for, and you can write out a description for them so they can see their thanks in words (credit to our amazing montessori teachers for encouraging this!).  And for writers, a daily journal specifically for gratitude is wonderful.  My son doesn’t write in his every night, but he does use it often, and I love hearing what he’s written.  Here’s a link to the journal he uses (pictured), but there are a ton out there to choose from.  And though we don’t have one yet (but will soon!), check out this awesome journal for a child and parent to use together – what a special keepsake!

4.  Get Charitable!

In a former post (here), I talked about our moonjar (pictured) for allowance, which splits allowance into spending, saving, and giving.  You can talk to your kids about everything they have that not everyone does (a home, health, family, toys, healthy air to breathe), and discuss what it would be like to not have these things.  You can explore and find a charity that resonates with them, and each year they can gather their giving money to send to that charity.  And/or you can “adopt” a child through a charity or church.  We sponsor a young boy in Ethiopia through our church; we send him letters and are excited to read his, and we keep him in our prayers.  It is a constant reminder of our most fundamental blessings and helps cultivate an others-focused mindset.

And beyond sending money, let your kids get hands on with charity!  Choose a family from an angel Christmas tree and take your kiddos to Target to buy gifts for other children only—nothing for themselves.  I know this sounds impossible, but they’ll catch on, and will get excited about it.  Promise.  And once they’re old enough, consider bringing them to prepare and serve Thanksgiving meals to families in need.  This is a beautiful memory I have from my own childhood, and something I can’t wait to start with my own kids.

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These—and so many other similar traditions—create an attitude of gratitude for things we far too often take for granted, and they will foster the growth of empathy as well.  Something our world could use much more of, am I right? 

This is a hard season.  For many reasons.  Maybe now more than ever we need to do a deep dive to unearth our genuine gratitude for all that we do have. 

Virtual hugs to you and yours.