Four Must-Reads For Every Parent

I’m a polygamous reader, always reading three or four books at once (i.e. I’m a little scattered), and I usually have a parenting book in the mix.  I’m not afraid to admit my mommying mistakes—which are plentiful—and I feel like immersing myself in these resources is really grounding (and humbling).  These are books I don’t mind dog-earing, underlining, starring, and exclamation-pointing, because I revisit them often when I need some guidance.  I’ve also found that even books focused on fundamental concepts about babies and toddlers still apply in many ways to my now six-year-old, and will continue to apply as my kids grow into young adults.  And that’s because these resources are all based on the same principles underpinning a positive, respectful approach to parenting.

Though I have read and found useful many other parenting books, I’m highlighting four of my favorites here:

1. Superbaby, by Dr. Jenn Berman
2. No Bad Kids, by Janet Lansbury
3. The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic, by Amy McCready
4. Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

Superbaby – 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First Three Years

Superbaby is an amazing resource, because it really digs into the science of child development, and emphasizes the profound impact that we parents can have on that developmental process.

“Researchers now know that children are born with an IQ range that can vary as much as thirty points, depending upon outside factors.  While it is believed that “nature” is responsible for 50 percent of intellectual development, the other 50 percent is a result of nurture.”  Introduction, p. xiv.

I think this can sound a little intimidating and stressful, right?  But we can also make the choice to see this as a privilege and opportunity to create a nourishing environment and relationship with our little ones.

This book covers everything from the fundamentals of respectful communication with our children (from the time they are born), to the clinical studies around screen time, and the importance of creating a toxin-free environment.  I love every topic, but I want to highlight the respectful communication chapter.  Not only does Dr. Berman highlight the pillars of respectful communication, which include really listening to your child (even pre-verbally), and accepting and respecting all of their feelings (not dismissing, “you shouldn’t feel that way, that’s silly,” but validating, “I hear you, it’s hard to share”), but it also gives actual scenarios of communication and “how-to” guides for how to communicate one way instead of another, which I’ve found invaluable.  This chapter also covers the ten reasons why not to spank your child (spanking teaches hitting is ok, is harmful for cognitive development and self-esteem, and on and on), which deepened my belief against corporal punishment.

If you like science-backed and hands-on advice and guidance, this book is for you.

No Bad Kids – Toddler Discipline Without Shame

I LOVE this book.  In many ways, it’s very different from Superbaby, because it’s short and anecdotal, each chapter only a handful of pages, and that is one of the reasons I find it so valuable.  You could read this book in an afternoon—and really enjoy it.

The core of this book is that babies, toddlers and young children are “whole people – sentient, aware, intuitive, communicative.  They are natural learners, explorers, and scientists able to test hypotheses, solve problems, and understand language and abstract ideas.”  Forward, p. 7.  

And we need to treat them this way!  Instead, we sometimes think of our littles as unaware and incapable, and yet we simultaneously expect them to act like adults and not make mistakes.  This book helps to retrain our parent minds and focuses on how to create a productive, positive parenting approach based on setting realistic limits and implementing respectful (but effective) discipline.  And it does this in 32 bite-size chapters focused on common issues (whining, hitting, tantrums, the secret to staying calm, being a gentle leader) that I found immediately applicable after reading.        

I’ve read this book several times and always find a new golden nugget.

The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic – A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World

Amy McCready is the founder and developer of Positive Parenting Solutions (topic of a future post), which is an online platform covering the fundamentals of raising children with respectful, but effective, parenting.

I was drawn to this book because it really rings true, doesn’t it? It seems sometimes that there is an epidemic of the “I deserve” mentality (and not just in our kids!!), or the world-revolves-around-me mindset.  And the cringe-worthy thought that our own kids may end up that way!  Babies are born focused only on their own needs, because they’re hard-wired to be that way as a matter of survival.  But this book talks about the myriad ways we parents can assist our kids in evolving out of this me-centric universe by setting reasonable expectations, using encouragement instead of praise, instituting gratitude rituals, learning about money sense, and navigating the new era of social media, among many other topics.

I think we all want to raise kind, grateful, outward-focused kiddos who will be the next generation of good samaritans.  This book is a must-have.

Siblings Without Rivalry – How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

In this book, the authors recount their experience meeting over the course of a number of weeks with a group of parents to discuss the sibling issues that we are all well aware of, and are probably plagued by.  Like No Bad Kids, it’s very anecdotal, and an easy read.  My favorite aspect of the book is that it offers comic-like graphics depicting scenarios in which we as parents may respond reflexively and actually breed sibling disputes, and then provides an “instead-of” approach next to it:

Instead of a negative comparison that breeds resentment toward a sibling:

“How does your brother always get to his music lesson on time and you never do?”

Describe the problem and leave out the comparison:

“Your guitar teacher has been waiting a while for you.”

This book really helps to highlight that each of our kids is unique and special, and should be treated that way, even in the way we discipline.

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Parenting is a beautiful, tricky, rewarding, and sometimes counter-intuitive journey.  I hope you find some or all of these books helpful.  Maybe they will even become well-worn resources on your bookshelf like they are on mine. 

Happy reading!